Current mood:

depressed

Breakdown...

Well, today was absolutely horrible. I decided, give classes a try even though when I woke up, I knew I shouldn't be doing it, I got my period, my cramps are beyond horrible and shit, so I was upset over that, I'm over emotional right now, and just so much going on, it didn't help that my BEST FRIEND and I got in a HUGE blow up AS SOON as I  got to school today. :( I didn't even do anything, but she's pissed at me, and I dont understand why. I hate crying in front of people, but I just let it out and started bawling in front of everyone, I didn't care. I started to head to my first class, but ended up going towards the dean office and everything and went to the crisis counselor, she's been up to speed on everything going on right now so she wasn't surprised to see me. And I started to tell her about my morning but she got a call, had to leave so I was like "I'm going to call and have someone come get me," I was in no condition to be by myself or anything. I made a ton of phone calls, nobody recognized who I was because I was crying so bad, finally my uncle picked up and got me, he was going golfing today, so again, I was going to be alone, but I'm okay with that, as long as I'm at my house and can just be by myself. And I slept, all day, I just slept and slept which I needed bad.

I feel stupid now, because alls anyone is going to talk about is my break down, I had one last year in the middle of religion class, I was saying prayer off a card from my best friends funeral that had just died that week and I broke down in front of the class, so everyone of course talked about that on campus, now this is all they're going to talk about. I hate it. My mom is over freaking about me, "are you okay" blah blah. I got 8 messages on my machine all from her today. So now she's going to want me to talk and she's gonna treat me like a fragile little girl. She just called, she's coming to pick me up and grab a quick dinner with me before we go to the wake (which is a whole nother' story. I'm not ready to say goodbye.) but she thinks dinner might cheer me up a little. Nothing will cheer me up anymore. :(

Anyways, now I'm the freak that is one more friend less and had a break down for the whole campus to see....just what I needed.

Today is just horrible, and tomorrow will be worse. :( I have to go, try and cheer up. :(

<3